Captain’s Log Star Date 1507.11
Lt. Uhura has received the following video transmission. The ship has been placed on yellow alert. The point of origin of the transmission is Earth. Sensors indicate the transmission emanated from an area known as San Diego. Upon viewing an emergency meeting was called in the Daystrom Conference Room to assess what we had just seen. Present are Lt. Uhura, Ensign Chekov, Mr. Sulu, Mr.Scott, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and myself. What follows is a transcript of the audio that was recorded into the ship’s computer banks. We have included a copy of the transmission as well.
Kirk: “We you have all seen it…assessments?”
McCoy: “I have seen it but I still don’t believe it…”
Kirk: “Mr. Spock?”
Spock: ” facial and voice recognition confirms it…that is B-”
Scotty: “Aye, we know… but I can’t believe me eyes!”
Chekov: I traced the Source signal. It was nine five wicktor wicktor two.
Kirk: I didn’t call on you Scotty or you either Chekov. Mr. Spock was speaking. Everyone raise your hands and wait to be called on. Yes Lt. Uhura?
Uhura: “I have to pee…”
Kirk: Proceed LT.
Kirk: “You all remember the rules. Mr. Spock please continue…”
Spock: It appears that acclaimed director Zack Snyder has made a brilliant casting choice.
McCoy: “Brilliant you call that brilliant?”
Spock: “Mr. Snyder simply has a way of using actors to achieve the results he wants.”
McCoy: “YOU GREEN BLOODED INHUMAN HOBGOBLIN !”
McCoy: “My God Jim listen to what he’s saying”
Sulu: “Commander Spock has lost his mind.”
Kirk: Lt. Uhura you don’t have to raise your hands to return to the table.
Uhura: I just want everyone to see I wash my hands after using the latrine not like you nasty boys.
Scotty: you mean somthin’ is effecting Spock’s Brain?
Chekov: “I know this one…I know this one… Season 3 episode 1 right?”
Sulu: “That’s right ”
McCoy: “give that man a cee-gar!”
Uhura: “why did I have the same bathroom lines as in what’s Ben Afflected?”
Kirk: “so you could say It’s Mrs. Uhura if your nasty…”
Uhura: “you like that don’t you?”
Kirk: “so whats up with you and Spock?”
Spock: “Captain it is not the time of the Pon Farr.”
Sulu: ” he’s still hot for her after that kiss.”
Scotty: ” Aye, he doesn’t remember.”
McCoy: ” He’s re-boot Kirk.”
Scotty: ” well there has been no dust in my transporter lately.”
Chekov: “Maybe it was the sling-shot around the sun?”
Scotty: “it’s usually the transporter. Captain do you like vintage beasty boys?”
Sulu: “Does Khan have long hair or short?”
Kirk: “let’s get back on topic. Mr. Spock…”
Spock: “Ben Affleck appears to be a good representation of Batman. That is all that I am saying.”
Kirk: “Mr. Spock that is not the reason for this meeting.”
McCoy: ” Vulcan logic. He thought we meant Ben Affleck.”
Sulu: “I’ve been good with Ben since he apologized for Daredevil.”
Uhura: “His Vulcan mind can’t see it.”
Spock: ” admittedly the human mind confuses me at times. If we are not here over the casting of Batman then why are we here?”
Kirk: “Spock…Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor… really?”
May the Love of Christ be with you always….
…Live long and Prosper
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